Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls! Step right up to observe and witness the AMAZING SHRINKING WOMAN! You will be able to speculate and read with awe along with the rest of the crowd, “Can she really do it?” “Is this feat humanly possible?”
The answer: YES, I tell you…Yes!
No longer will the unwashed masses assume along with her that her clothes dryer is shrinking all her clothes. No longer will the conspiracy theorists blog about China attaching size 12 labels to size 4 Petite clothing. The AMAZING SHRINKING WOMAN will attempt to use self-control, sugar-control, carbs control, and exercise, exercise I tell you, to SHRINK back into her wardrobe. She will become the svelte toned woman she was when she attended a wedding. Which wedding you ask? Why, back in 1972, and her daughter, Brittany’s, wedding back in 2001.
Is she doing this for fame, for glory, for world acclaim?
The answer: NO, I tell you…No!
She is doing this for 3 reasons: 1) ennui 2) a new decade and 3) slow acceptance of the fact that she cannot wear sweat pants to church.
So there you have it. Once again, another New Year’s resolution sent out over the internet. Exactly like the resolution last year. But this year there’s more motivation.
And what is that you ask?
The answer: The AMAZING TRIPLE CHIN!
HAPPY NEW YEAR MY FRIENDS!!!
5 comments:
As a famous author once said “People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas”
I should take what you said to heart Chelsea! Joyce-- you look mah-velous darling!
I'm with you. My goal is Kevin's wedding at the end of April. Which also gives me an excuse to try and find a fabulous new dress in celebration!!
Love this post! You said what everyone is thinking!
You already look amazing!!!
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