By the Sea

When the folks moved down here on Labor Day I was excited for them to get to the beach. I figured anyone who had spent the last year in an assisted living facility needed to sit near the ocean to recover and restore one's soul. However, w/ Mom's broken shoulder and Dad's bout in the hospital we didn't quite get there right away.

I live about 5 miles from the Pacific Ocean so we did initially take a few drives up the PCH and I'd say, "Hey, look, Mom and Dad, over there--over there-over there--on your left--no your left--no, your other left--there's the ocean!" That's generally what our conversations are like. Then me again, "Isn't it beautiful?" "Yes", they would say, as I'd go zooming by. (Sort of reminding me of the first time I put real estate clients in my car, back in 1984, to show them houses; I was so nervous and drove so fast I was literally slamming on the brakes as I sped past a listing we were supposed to see. I soon learned to write DRIVE SLOW on a piece of paper I kept tucked under my leg so that my backseat customers weren't turning green and looking for a barf bag in the back seat. But that was in a distant galaxy a long long time ago.)

Today, after 3 days of rain, our world-famous climate was back to "gorgeous, wish you were here" and with Mom waking up grouchy I said, "Hey, everyone (Mom still thinks she lives with lots of people) let's go to the beach for a little while". So we jumped in the car (this means dad slowly moved his walker toward the garage and I slowly helped mom into the front seat, buckled up seat belts, put the walker in the trunk)--okay, 15 minutes later, off we went to Aliso Creek Beach. It's a perfect place for the folks as the benches are just a few minutes from the parking lot.

Mom and Dad enjoyed the warmth of the sun and the white-tipped waves crashing onto the shore. Dad was happy to remain sitting, but I encouraged Mom to roll up her pants and go play in the water and she was happy to oblige. Mom is pretty frail and the waves are pretty powerful at this beach but we managed to not fall over. I was supporting her like I was cemented into the ground with one of my arms wrapped around her waist and my other one holding onto her good arm. There was only one time when I got a little nervous. But, hey, my brother, Bill, dropped Mom while carrying her down a steep descent at Lake Tahoe a few years back, so I figured, what's the worse that could happen? We'd both get tumbled around and drenched but I'd save her and make sure she didn't get any water in her ears.or drift out to sea. I tried not to visualize that scene.

She laughed with glee and terror and let out lots of "Oh, my's!" We followed a few seagulls. She picked up some small sticks. Dad took a catnap. When we walked back to the bench with our pants quite wet above where we'd rolled them up, I wiped the sand out of mom's toes. As I took the picture below I told Mom to wave. She got that part figured out but couldn't hear me say "Smile!" so when I later showed her the picture she asked me if she looked grouchy. I said, "No, I think you just look like you're trying to figure out how you got so wet".

My parents started their married life near the ocean. I think it's appropriate that they finish their last few years together near it.

It will forever bug me that we have these fun times together and Mom doesn't remember them by the time we get to the car. I'm committed to remembering for all of us.

In the Land of Yudacudahey

Hip hip hooray! Both parents are taking a nap at the same time, Sawyer is with his mommy, and I have some quiet time to myself (if you don’t count the snoring coming from my folks’ room via the baby monitor next to me in the upstairs gameroom). I don’t know whether to sleep myself, watch TV, unpack or update my blog. Yes, I do, I’m updating.

When we made the decision to have Mom and Dad move down here to live with me it took awhile to put everything in place. I had to find a home that could accommodate all 3 of us, that was elder-friendly ie, wide enough for walkers and potential wheelchairs, had multiple living spaces and enough bedrooms and bathrooms for all of us and any who could come and visit. I needed a decent fenced backyard and garden and flooring that was conducive to wheels and spills. I found all that and much more (ie, a spa w/ great privacy – yay for clothing optional) in our latest home. It took several trips from my self-storage unit in L.A. w/ the great assistance of my brother, John, and his wife Gayle, a truckload from my former condo, and a truckload from my folks assisted living place in Northern California. Four days before the move, Mom fell and broke her left shoulder, which was especially tough since she’s left-handed and her right shoulder was already a problem. And then two days after they arrived, Dad started throwing up for 36 hours and eventually spent a week at Mission Hospital Laguna Beach. He wasn’t too keen on being in the ICU but I was amazed at one of the best views from his room of the Pacific Ocean I’ve ever seen. The sunsets were fantastic. Too bad he couldn’t enjoy it more. However, he was very stoical and a trooper and recovered very well.

But now, a month has passed and we’re all getting back to normal, whatever that is. Mom’s dementia is interesting, hilarious, sad, creative, and ranges from craziness to sanity. I love it when she checks back in and I feel like I’ve just about got my mom back. But I also enjoy the journey she’s on. I love listening to her sincere and humble prayers. I love her cheerful and upbeat attitude. I laugh along with her when she realizes that the words she just said don’t make any sense. For instance, the other night I offered her some chapstick for her chapped lips. She had a hard time hearing me and thought I offered her “cat butt”. I said, “Sure, Mom, here’s some cat butt for your lips!” We both had a good time laughing over that one. One night at dinner she asked my dad where we lived. “Are we in Europe?” “No,” we both replied. “Are we in America?” “Yes,” I said, “We’re in California. Where did you think we lived?” I asked her. She looked at me and answered, “I don’t know. I thought maybe we lived in Yudacudahey.” “Yudacudahey? Where’s that?” I asked her. We both started laughing when she responded, “Oh, I don’t know. I just thought it sounded like a nice place.”

And it is. So welcome to our world. I hope we all get to stay here for awhile.

The folks truck loaded up by brother, John. Good thing they're bringing Mom's Diet Coke

The backyard of our home

Dad's million dollar view at Mission Laguna Beach

Just taking it all in stride during one of the hospital visits

Mom with her shoulder in a sling and brother, John

My sisters, Marlene and Sandy, helped with the drive down and niece, Mackenna, had a quick visit, too.

It's a good thing when checking on your folks in the morning and they're holding hands

Capturing the innocence of simplicity and joy