I'm Baaaaaaack!

pictures courtesy of Brittany

TREAT
-by Jack Prelutsky
Trick or treat, trick or treat,
Give us something good to eat.
Give us candy, give us cake,
Give us something sweet to take.
Give us cookies, fruit and gum,
Hurry up and give us some.
You had better do it quick
Or we'll surely play a trick.
Trick or treat, trick or treat,
Give us something good to eat.

I'm Bill Murray in Groundhog's Day and I'm tired of it. I haven't had trick-or-treaters the past 5 years and this one is once again no exception. When I lived in The Woodlands I got tired of the bell ringing because I didn't get a DVR until the last few years and it would mess up my TV shows which were always at a really good spot when someone came to call. However when I moved to the country in Granite Bay no one ever showed up. The unlit street was dark and a kid trying to clean up wouldn't get much of a haul walking from acre to acre. So I understand. But just on the off chance that someone, a prankster, my nieces and nephew, even a robber came to call, I'd load up on the Halloween candy, ready to hand it out. Invariably no one came.

There are two schools of thought regarding Halloween candy when you're older... 1) either buy the stuff you like because you'll probably have to eat what's leftover if no one comes or 2)buy the stuff you hate so you won't have to eat what's left over if no one comes. My dad's still buying candy and he's 93. But he's still getting ghosts and goblins. He told me a while back that he has someone in his house he doesn't recognize. He says he's living with an old lady, surely not his bride from over 61 years ago. And he always tells me that goblins are living there since things like wallets disappear and show up in the refrigerator. I have someone in my house I don't recognize either, but Chelsea's informed me that it's me looking back from the mirror. Who is that person? See, I tried to subscribe to school number two! I bought a big bag of individual packets of dried fruit because Brittany told me a few days ago that she and the kids had already been to 6 Halloween parties and she was exhausted from scrubbing my sugar-infused grandchildren off the walls. So I went w/ the healthy stuff.

However, this afternoon, Chelsea, the woman who wanted me to paint her pregnant belly like a jack-o-lantern, was feeling pretty deprived w/o some sort of chocolate. So at 4:30 I went to the store and got a big bag of mixed Hersheys' kisses, Reeses, and Mr. Goodbars. "Give me candy, give me cake, help me have a bellyache!" And I tell you...EVERYONE was driving around like they'd been eating sugar from 6 Halloween parties! Costumed kids were running crazily around the sidewalks, moms were fighting for parking spaces, and many men were confused as to which holiday they were celebrating. By that I mean they were doing what they normally do on Valentine's Day--buying something an hour before it's expected, even though BOTH Halloween and Valentine's Day fall on the same dates every year.

So it's Friday night. The best night for Halloween every 7 years. And I'm eating all the "good" stuff in case some kids Do show up and want some treats. I'm trying to leave the dried fruit for them. And I'm saying to them, "You had better do it quick. Cause I think I might be sick!"