Today's blog's title is in reference to my breakfast this morning. As I was deciding what I would eat before church my brain shouted out these instructions. I knew I'd have the orange because my friend, Nancy, gave me four from her tree on Thursday; they were juicy and sweet, and I was down to just one, having eaten the other three. Then because I've been attempting a two-week jumpstart of an Adkins diet I had the egg for protein. But not being satisfied by stopping at that I licked off the spoonful of peanut butter just because I love peanut butter. And all of this is because I've thoroughly enjoyed being a big fat pig (for me) over the past few years and eating what I want without shame or remorse (well maybe a little bit of shame, but clearly not enough remorse to change my ways). So now I really must begin the traditional new year's diet w/ vigor, gusto, and compliance. This is also my granddaughter, Annie's, fault.
Some of you may be aware that in the universe I live in, Annie's other grandma has a bit more than I do when it comes to worldly possessions. In fact, in said universe, I'd say that she pretty much has more than me in every way. And yet on the last night before Annie and Brittany went back to Boston, as I was telling Annie a made-up story before she went to sleep and I leaned over to kiss her goodnight, she started playing with my neck, by playing I mean looking in fascination at my saggy skin and tickling it. Some of you may also be aware that I hate my old neck and intend to do something about it short of the guillotine if I ever come into money again. Annie said to me, "Nannie Joy, you have three stripes on your neck". "Stripes?" I responded, questioningly, "as in three vertical loose skin folds weighted down by gravity?" "Yeah, stripes," Annie declared, paused and then added, "Grandma Margaret only has one".
How can this be, I thought to myself. She's a few years older than me; has more than me in every way; how come in the one way she has less is in "stripes"? "THIS LIFE ISN'T FAIR!" I wailed to my universe. As if I didn't already know that.
"You're wrong," my universe whispered back to me, "you have more ex-husbands, also".
"Aargh!" I groaned and started planning my diet (again).
It's been a busy week. Chelsea's friend, Cory, arrived on Wednesday from Texas to see baby Sawyer. They've had a great time together but today are sitting in a kid's clinic waiting to have Sawyer's cough checked out. We all seem to have come down with colds. Annie and Brittany left last Sunday and are back in Boston with Jordan and Jakey, snowed in from church. I miss them all terribly. We're looking at a high of 84 degrees and clear sunny skies. Paul Blart's memorable line in "Mall Cop" is "Peanut butter...it fills the cracks in the heart!"
You can guess what I'm thinking about having for dinner.
Some of you may be aware that in the universe I live in, Annie's other grandma has a bit more than I do when it comes to worldly possessions. In fact, in said universe, I'd say that she pretty much has more than me in every way. And yet on the last night before Annie and Brittany went back to Boston, as I was telling Annie a made-up story before she went to sleep and I leaned over to kiss her goodnight, she started playing with my neck, by playing I mean looking in fascination at my saggy skin and tickling it. Some of you may also be aware that I hate my old neck and intend to do something about it short of the guillotine if I ever come into money again. Annie said to me, "Nannie Joy, you have three stripes on your neck". "Stripes?" I responded, questioningly, "as in three vertical loose skin folds weighted down by gravity?" "Yeah, stripes," Annie declared, paused and then added, "Grandma Margaret only has one".
How can this be, I thought to myself. She's a few years older than me; has more than me in every way; how come in the one way she has less is in "stripes"? "THIS LIFE ISN'T FAIR!" I wailed to my universe. As if I didn't already know that.
"You're wrong," my universe whispered back to me, "you have more ex-husbands, also".
"Aargh!" I groaned and started planning my diet (again).
It's been a busy week. Chelsea's friend, Cory, arrived on Wednesday from Texas to see baby Sawyer. They've had a great time together but today are sitting in a kid's clinic waiting to have Sawyer's cough checked out. We all seem to have come down with colds. Annie and Brittany left last Sunday and are back in Boston with Jordan and Jakey, snowed in from church. I miss them all terribly. We're looking at a high of 84 degrees and clear sunny skies. Paul Blart's memorable line in "Mall Cop" is "Peanut butter...it fills the cracks in the heart!"
You can guess what I'm thinking about having for dinner.
Annie and Brittany cavorting before one last sunset
5 comments:
Oh Joyce, you make me laugh. :-) And that picture of your girls in the sunset is absolutely beautiful!
Joyce, I think Annie telling you that you have three stripes on your neck is her way of telling you she loves you three times as much!
Oh, the endless joys of being a Grandma! (the good, the bad, and the ugly) And....the endless joys of beginning a diet! I started on Weight Watchers in April of 08 and am everlastingly proud to proclaim to all the world that I have lost 45 pounds!! Now I'm in a holding pattern....although I'd like to reach the 50-lb. weight-loss mark--just to say I did! YOU GO GIRL!!
Hooray for New Year's Diets. I've finally started my first real calorie-counting diet, after telling Graton for 20 months that my diet starts tomorrow. I'm using caloriecount.about.com which is a great. It's free and it analyzes everything for me. If you ever need a good laugh, look at all the possibilites for burning calories under the activities tab. My favorite is "baking bread on an outdoor Indian Oven" Can't remember how many calories you burn doing that, but it's pretty funny.
Thanks for the support and advice everyone. I'm weighing all your comments very carefully while I eat my Baskin Robbin's Banana Royale. I figure if the country is celebrating I will, too.
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